Velotron + wind = bad

Yep, it's true. When you take a flimsy, 22-year-old steel frame bike out in windy conditions, it is not pretty. It's a constant struggle just to keep pointed in the vague direction of the road. The "off to a better life" TCR was waaaay better in crosswinds, despite its steep geometry. Velotron has very relaxed angles by modern standards, but is still comparatively unstable and twitchy. It's amazing how much better today's frames are compared to the Frames of Yesteryear. Still no Trek. Excuse me while I go weep in the corner.

Moving...

Not me, but the place where I work. Sort of. Being employed by the largest pharmaceutical company ever to exist, we understandably have a few research labs. Just in St. Louis, we have labs spread throughout the area. The past couple of weeks, and for a few weeks yet to come, we are consolidating into the main research site in Chesterfield courtesy of our recently-completed new building.Moving is fine, fine, just fine. We have staff for the vast majority of stuff. But, sadly, some of the more complicated lab equipment requires a little more care, if that equipment is ever to function again. Complex, convoluted, fragile, and heavy lab equipment. That's where me and my coworkers come in. I can spend a full day just disconnecting the myriad cables, doodads, and whatnot from any one of these vast behemoths of scientific progress. They are not, in general, meant to be moved. And yet, we move them.

Sure, I'm saving the Pharmaceutical Juggernaut piles of cash per robot move. Will that matter come raise time? No. Will it matter when it comes time for the next round of inevitable layoffs? No. And they wonder why employee "engagement" is so low. Huh, go figure. You watch your friends and colleagues - loyal, intelligent, hardworking, dedicated employees - get the boot and know your time is coming. It does not exactly get one fired up with pro-company enthusiasm.

And yet, I toil on. Not for the company, not for myself, but for the robots, the scientists who use them, and ultimately - I hope - for that patient whose life is saved or made better through our medicines. Maybe my niece and her friends can live in a world a little less ravaged by cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, MS, high blood pressure, arthritis, diabetes, heart disease, malaria...the list is endless. So kindly Stuff It, vast Pharmaceutical Juggernaut, and get out of my way. I've got work to do.

Brutality

Well, not brutality in the violent sense. Brutality as in wind, 18mph with gusts to 35mph. And I, cleverly, went out for a bike ride. The route I chose provided mostly brutal cross-winds, which are the worst kind. You are constantly fighting the bike to go straight, rather than cruising sedately along. I feel bad for those road bikers who live in perpetually windy areas. Like Kansas.

But now I'm home, and the wind is outside. All is well.

Going to be a long weekend

Oi. This will be a long weekend. Not only is my job temporarily stressful, I keep looking at the Project One picture of my phantom Trek:
and the picture of the bike formerly known as my TCR:
I'm looking forward to the Trek, with it's more "stage race", relaxed geometry. Look at those long, luscious chainstays. Compared to the criterium geometry of the TCR: Chainstays so short they had to smush the seat tube to fit the tire. By comparison the Trek should be very Cadillac-like. I don't race, I don't need crit geometry. And even the SUB:Sadly, the SUB is the only bike I can actually ride. It's an awesome bike, make no mistake. But it has heavy wheels and knobby tires - not exactly a speed demon. And I sometimes wonder how much longer the SUB's frame is for this world. It has a lot of miles. 13,000 on the computer, and I changed the battery a couple years ago. No visible cracks in the frame, and it rides and sounds fine. Hopefully it does not snap in half at an inopportune moment. I think the SUB and I will have to spend a lot of quality time together this weekend, to take my mind off the coy and elusive Trek...

Just to torture myself...

Yep. Should not have sold the TCR yet.

Final Step to Serentiy

Well, I performed the final task before picking up the Trek. Dropped off its wheels ("debadged" Easton Circuits) and white hoods. Now I just wait. And sit. And wait. And try not to think about the paint butchery. Dude at the shop showed me better pictures of the massacre, and indeed it looked terrible. Exactly as if, for example, you wrapped wet paint in saran wrap, waited a while, then peeled the saran wrap off.


Bah. Dam. Where's mah bike?!?! Respect my authoritay! How am I supposed to make my glorious return to the roadie scene without a bike? My diabolical plans to appear from nowhere and dominate the local shop rides with ease and grace are in shambles! Or, at least, appear at occasional shop rides, from time to time, and not get dropped in the first mile. Phooey. Here it is, a beautiful (if windy) warm, sunny day...and I was up schmucking around at the local bike shop instead of riding. Bah. Dam.

Dam.

My Trek's paint was, apparently, butchered. Not allowed to dry enough before wrapped up and shipped. The mangled bike appeared at the local bike shop Monday, only to be sent back for them to try again. Dam. Ah, well, everyone makes a mistake now and then. Perhaps a Vice President from my place of employment was cross-training at Trek and, predictably, screwed up. Our Vice Presidents do that a lot. And we have a lot of them. Which explains our plummeting stock price. But Trek is fixing it pronto, so that's commendable. Now another week to wait. And I appreciate the LBS giving me a ring to let me know the situation, that was classy.

Where's Mah Trek?!?!?!

An orange beast slouches towards St. Louis. I can feel it in my bones. And I'm tall, I have big bones. They're sensitive. And what they sense is a furiously orange juggernaut leaving a path of terror and burned villages in its wake; to be tamed, finally, by my enormous mass and unstoppable thirst. Uh. Thirst? Since when has thirst defeated a horrible fiend? I must need some Hawaiian Punch.The path of havoc started in Wisconsin, as the terrible beast was born in carbon fiber molds and paint booths by skilled craftspeople. Not knowing what they did, the monster was set free in the world. A few bizarre occurrences in Madison, followed shortly by inexplicable catastrophes in Chicago, culminating in near-apocalyptic events in St. Louis as the orange "Mad One" nears its destination. The first Horseman of the Apocalypse is upon us! Er, make that the First Bicycle of the Apocalypse! Cower in fear and tremble before its righteous wrath! Whoa. What was in that Hawaiian Punch?!?!

In other news, poor George Hincapie has failed to attain victory in yet another Paris-Roubaix. Poor George. I kind of identify with George, as we're about the same height, and roughly the same age. I think of him as the guy who had the commitment to actually live my childhood dream of being a pro cyclist. He's managed to do pretty well for himself, but not without years of toil, strife, and poverty. I'm more of an instant gratification kind of guy. And I'm not fast on a bike, so there's that. Ol' George did marry a French model, though, so maybe the whole biology/robot thing wasn't such a wise choice in retrospect. Nah, I have a sweet orange bike on the way...George will never be able to ride an orange bike, due to sponsor commitments! Ha! Take that George! And good luck next year.

TCR is no more...

Not mine, anyway. Auction ended, buyer wants bike pronto. Oh, well, I got my money's worth out of that bike, that is for sure. Hopefully the new owner will enjoy it, and not just let it collect dust. That Trek had better get here soon. Velotron is nice for cruising around in style and comfort, but it's not what you'd call "fast" or "efficient". More like "noodly" and "molasses-like", heh heh. But oh so smoooooooth and quiet. I hope the Trek is quiet.

Taxes and apple juice

Ah, what a day. Beautiful weather. I stopped by the local bike shop for a semi-regular economic stimulus donation, and to check on the Trek. It's being painted, apparently, so that's good. I probably shouldn't have pawned the TCR before the Trek arrived, but live and learn. Using my awesome prescience, I determined I should also go to the grocery store, said store being closed for Easter. Anticipating a desire to eat tomorrow, I went to the store. Then, in another astounding display of precognition, I went for a two-hour ride on Velotron...knowing I'd reserved the evening hours for finishing my taxes.

Yes, it's shocking to see how much money the government takes from me every year. I kind of don't notice it on the paycheck stub...but every year around this time I get slapped in the face with it.
It's bad enough they take my money, and give it directly to rich people (economic bailout bonus, anyone?). Not to mention the local, poorly-maintained roads. And the police people who, difficult job though they may have, frequently choose to ignore the very laws they are supposed to be enforcing. Turn signal? Stop sign? Pedestrian obstacle? Ah, you're a cop, do whatever you want. Just check for video cameras pointed in your direction first. Chesterfield in general appears to be staunchly anti-cyclist. Bike lanes? Ha. Traffic signals that detect bikes? Dream on. A couple of "Share the Road" signs is all City Hall could be bothered with. They'll be happy to take my money, though.
I was tempted, at one point, to fudge a little and get a little of my hard-earned money - well earned money...ok money - back. Adjust a little number there, check a little box there...who would ever know? If there's one thing I have learned, it's don't f--- with the IRS. So I didn't. I was a good little citizen. You don't screw with the people holding the pursestrings. Just look at Al Capone. Ran a criminal empire, murdered people with impunity (much like drunk motorists, in that regard); walked free. Thrown in the slammer by the IRS.

All in all, tax season cost me countless thousands of dollars, and a half-gallon of apple juice. Fuel for the furious furnace of my tax-form-filing mind. I wonder if I can deduct that...

Struck down!

Ahoy. Yep, three days ago an unknown invader gained entry into my body, and wreaked havoc. Fortunately my awesome immune system put the beat-down on the invading bastard(s). All in all, pretty normal for this time of year. I have allergies. Pollen = sinus infection = weakened immune system = larger, worse infection takes hold. I get sinus infections all the time, its been par for the course for decades. No biggie, for the most part. But, in the spring and fall, the recurring sinus infections seem to pave the way for other nasties. Tuesday, I woke up feeling rotten. Went in to work late, and slogged through the day. Went in to work for a whole hour Wednesday, then gave up the fight and went home. Spent today largely unconscious, as my super-powered immune system waged war on the encroaching barbarian hordes. Fatigue, fever, cold sweats, aches, headaches...all signs of an immune system valiantly and - so far - successfully fending off attack. I can't recall any illness bad enough to need external intervention, a.k.a. antibiotics/antivirals. Someday, I'm sure I will meet my match, but not yet. Until next time, evil minions of microscopic mayhem. Score another one for the homo sapiens immune system, incredibly complex and effective marvel of evolution.

Being educated in molecular biology, as I am, gives you an appreciation for the immune system. So, dear reader, next time you get the "common cold" take a moment to thank your body for the tireless war on invaders it fights on your behalf. Don't mope around cursing your body for aching, or sneezing, or getting a fever...it's doing it for you. Unless, of course, you are a victim of an extreme auto-immune disorder, in which case you have my full sympathy. The immune system is, as a said, a marvelous and wonderful thing. But the same traits that make it nearly invincible, make it equally hard to control when things go wrong.

But for the rest of us, when you get sick, go to bed and let your body do what it does best. Fight. Well, maybe the 2nd best...we all know what the #1 priority of our body is. And depending on your preferences, it may have something to do with this:Yow. I need to go do some sit-ups. Maybe a lot of sit-ups.

Brian's Bikes Part Two

Velotron! In my continuing series of bikes, here's another. I apologize for the non-action photo, but I'm sure you'll manage. This bike has a relatively mundane story, though hidden within the story are the kernels of glory. You see, my first "real" bike was a Centurion Ironman Master, 1987 vintage. Dave Scott Edition. Semi-sloping investment cast fork crowns, which are gorgeous thank you. It was my first introduction to real road riding, and I rode the crap out of it. I still have that bike, and tales of its' genesis will be forthcoming. Needless to say it is more of a museum piece now. So, to relive the glory years, I bought an identical frame and built it up with modern SRAM Rival components, and modern Open Pro wheels. Actually this is the 2nd of those frames, as the first was damaged in shipping and is no longer with us. It was, in a way, "meant to be". I bought it off eBay, but the seller lived only a few miles away. How's that for coincidence? Same year, same size, same color? Come on! Destiny! This frame is in astonishingly good condition. No significant chips, no rust, no dents, dings, or other flaws. Even the inside of the tubes are rust-free, and I made sure they stay that way with some Frame Saver. Tange #1 steel tubing, "Designed" in the USA, but made in Japan. Hey, I was poor, I bought what I could afford. Still, Japan was just starting to break into the U.S. market during the Greg Lemond "Boom Years", and were building some top-notch stuff to compete with the established marques. If it was good enough for Dave Scott, by golly, it was good enough for me! Though I had no idea who Dave Scott was...triathlete apparently. The dear departed Sheldon Brown also took an interest in the story behind the Centurion line, and has an excellent article here.

Few of my many bikes are worthy of names. Two, actually. Velotron (the one you're looking at) and the SUB. Generally it takes many, many hours and many, many miles logged and some kind of personal attachment to form before I even bother with a name. I anticipate the new Trek will just be "the plastic Trek" for a year or two, depending on how it performs. Velotron got a name right off the bat, because of it's heritage. And it does not disappoint. Velotron. Remember that old '80's cartoon, "Voltron"?


With the robot lions that...er...mated...um...and became Voltron the ass-kicking, sword-swinging giant robot, renowned defeater of evildoers*? In my infinite creativity I just took that and put the cycling spin on it, and there you have it. I'm a biologist/robot repairman, what do you expect? Freaking Shakespeare? Get over it.

Yes, yes that is a Turbo saddle. A very popular saddle back in "the Day", so I had to find one for Velotron. Surprisingly, you can still find new old stock, in the original box Turbo's for sale here and there. Velotron lacks the World Champion stripes, but it's mostly the same. And surprisingly comfortable. It is, after all, the saddle my butt molded itself to in its formative years.

So if you see me and Velotron out and about, say hello. But don't make us angry...rumor has it that Velotron usurped some of Voltron's "Defender of the Universe" technology, and could well kick your ass. Watch yourself.

*The question with Volton, as with all similar tales (Power Rangers, Thundercats, etc.) is why did they wait until the individual lions had had their asses beat down, on the verge of total annihilation, before...ahem...getting together and forming the invincible robot? Why not just do the deed, put the beatdown on the evildoer right off the bat, and get 'er done? There was no particular consequence or cost of forming Voltron that I could discern. Must be some clever message along the lines of "united we stand divided we fall." Or just lazy writers. Or something.

Bed Buddy

Yeah, get your mind out of the gutter. A friend of mine introduced me to this marvel of technology a while back, and I am enjoying the benefits right now. Ever "sleep wrong", have a cramped muscle, just ache, or whatever? Bed Buddy. Get one. Essentially it's rice in a glorified sock. Pop it in the microwave, heat it up, throw it on the bad muscle. Problem solved.

Apparently cold-blooded people use them to pre-heat their beds. I am not cold-blooded, but it does wonders for sore muscles. I'm too tall to fit into bathtubs, you see, so I get my thermal therapy where I can find it, which is at WalGreens. Apparently you can also throw it in the freezer and use it as a cold pack, but I've never tried that...

Giant TCR - now available to you!

My 2004 Giant TCR Alloy. Currently on eBAY, do a search for 2004 Giant TCR XL and you should be able to find it. Own a piece of bthoss history! The listing is scheduled to end around April 10th, so hurry if you want it!

This bike came to be mine kind of by accident. I had been haunting a great local shop, The Hub, and had ordered a Giant OCR, with carbon frame. My first attempt to dabble in carbon. While it was on order, Alex from The Hub called, with a proposition. He had another buyer who really, really wanted my OCR. And was willing to pay to get mine, rather than wait for his own. Alex had tracked down the TCR bike to offer me, and wanted to make a deal. I cruised down to The Hub, took it out for an extended test ride, and wheeled and dealed a bit. I really liked the ONCE yellow paint, mostly because my Centurion is yellow. Wound up getting around 30% off retail, and I couldn't resist. After a few vital upgrades (compact cranks chief among them) it was turned into quite an awesome bike. Absurdly short chainstays, fairly aggressive geometry, and yet overall pretty comfortable with great handling.

The Hub, by the way, is a great shop. The SUB also came from there. It's in Webster Groves, kind of a long haul for me. But if you are in the area, check them out.

It was, predicatably, used for most road-riding needs. Any longish rides, group rides, and of course the MS150. Comfort was borderline for centuries, as my feet would go numb, and I had to constantly shuffle my hands to different positions. Oddly, my posterior was fine, probably due to the awesome Flite saddle. I always blamed the "buzz" of aluminum, but maybe that was all in my head. The frame does have a high-pitched tone to it, though. Frame "tone" is an interesting topic (for nerds), maybe I'll post about it someday.

After 5 years, it's time to go. I'm moving on to a carbon frame, to finally see what all the hype is about (after 15 years or so of procrastination), so the Giant must go.

And, in the "too little, too late" department, the new Ultegra is finally getting rid of the stupid cables-sticking-out-the-side-of-the-brake-hoods thing. Solely because of SRAM. I had never thought about it, riding gigantic frames as I do, but TK of local fame pointed out to me that under-the-tape gear cable routing can cause trouble on smaller frames, in some cases. So Shimano's cable routing may have had it's merits, but sure looked stupid. Learn something every day.

Inspiration!

The departure of the TCR has given me inspiration. I have a lot of bikes. Three of them get the most mileage, the others only occasionally. A few of them have mildly interesting stories attached in one way or another. I think, as the arrival of the Trek approaches, I will do a little photo-documentary of each bike (at least, those still remaining, sniffle sniffle), how it came to be in my possession, and any other damn thing I feel like posting about it. I'm not crying, it's allergies. Shut up.

Stay tuned for the edge-of-your-seat excitement! Here are a couple teaser photos:

Trauma!

Two life-altering events have transpired recently. One, I half tore off my left big toenail. Pain was minimal, minimum bloodshed. However, some of you - my faithful and numerous readers - may recall that I have a terrible phobia surrounding fingernails and toenails. The contemplation and remembrance of the event is far, far worse than the actual physical damage. I shudder, get chills and nausea just thinking about it.

Second, today two of my bikes rolled out the door, to be auctioned off on eBay. Fortunately, a local guy (thanks TK) has recently started an eBay store and will take care of all the work for me. Otherwise, I'm not sure I'd have the heart. I once donated/sold for cheap an old Paramount mountain bike (fully rigid steel, back in The Day) to a friend, but this is the first time I'll be giving up precious bikes to strangers. The TCR, with its gorgeous yellow paint, would surely wither away in the corner once the shiny new carbon bike appears, and it doesn't deserve that horrible fate of so many bikes. Centurion #3, also beautifully yellow but with mangled frame, will likely be stripped down and sold for parts. Hopefully a lot of people of "a certain age" will fondly recall the Shimano 600 parts and get some enjoyment from them.

Some people - not everyone - develop a sentimental attachment to their bikes. I am one of the sentimental types. Centurion #3, not so much, as I barely put 40 miles on it due to the mangled frame. But the TCR has proudly hauled my large backside around for 5 years now, never complaining. It was my first "modern" road bike, made of aluminum and stiff as a board. I'm sure I'll come to regret getting rid of it, but there you go. It's better suited to racing than to my leisurely rides. I hope someone buys it who will put it to good use, maybe even take it to the local criterium series and let it shine in its fluorescent yellow glory in front of admiring fans.

Do you remember the time I put cheap wheels on you, and a spoke broke during the MS150, and we had to limp along for 10 miles? Or the time Creve Coeur Park flooded, and we turned around because I couldn't bear to immerse you in muddy water?

Farewell, good friends, and godspeed.